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Tumblr – Why I hate it, and why you should too

For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past few years, or have had part of your brain removed, Tumblr is an ever-growing micro blogging site that apparently has a lot of features—but I’m damned if I can ever see them, as the site is almost always down.

Tumblr is down...again

Before reading on, it may be worth noting that I refer to Tumblr as a website/site, even though it implies that the system is accessible via the internet, which for the most part, is untrue.

The easiest way for me to explain Tumblr is that it is a LiveJournal for hipsters, and if there are two things we do not need, they’re another LiveJournal, and a place outside of StarBucks where hipsters can congregate. If you don’t know what a hipster is, you’re an idiot, and if you don’t know what LiveJournal is, you’re probably 14, and shouldn’t be allowed on the internet, ever!

Right, back to the point! The main reason I do not like Tumblr is its lack of reliability. Almost every time I attempt to view a site that is hosted on Tumblr, I am greeted with some sort of message detailing that the servers are receiving a high load, or there’s some issue, and to check back later.

Tumbeasts

Now, thanks to The Oatmeal, the error page has a nice little image on it, and explains that the Tumbeasts haven’t been fed. That being said, the image depicts some small green creatures resembling Pokemon, doing what I can only presume is copulating with the servers. This image actually annoys me more than the simple page we used to see, simply because I find myself planning a murderous pilgrimage to the Tumblr server farms, not for the ‘technicians’, but to push these Tumbeasts right over the brink of extinction. Any site that makes me want to destroy the population of some small furry animal isn’t a good one.

Let’s presume for a minute that these creatures aren’t real, and that the real incompetence lies between the server and the back of the chair—.ie., their technicians. A while back, on my personal site, I hypothesised that the naming of this particular website was down to the server technicians fondness to spend their entire days tumbling down hills like a bunch of mountain goats short a chromosome, and I’ve yet to see any evidence proving otherwise.

Once you get down to it, the real reason I hate Tumblr is that it has the potential to be great, but is somewhat poorly executed, and as a web developer myself specializing in large-scale applications, this makes me very angry. As much as I’d like to reach out and fix the issues I see, I cannot, and am forced to sit refreshing a page, hoping that, by some chance, the site will load.

If you’re curious, I did previously have a Tumblr account. It was removed once I came across an image of a roaring bear, surrounded and covered in snow, with the best caption ever—simply because, as far as I am concerned, there is nothing that Tumblr could provide that could ever top that image.

Tumblr has two great sites hosted on it, and one site that is only hilarious because of its presence.

The first of these is Insanity Wolf, which is a meme created by something like 4chan, some time ago. Now, while this images are in most cases offensive, and deal with obscene topics, they are absolutely hilarious, especially when you imagine an angry wolf saying them.

The second is Clients From Hell, which as many of you will know, is a site where individuals can post excerpts of discussions with clients that are ridiculously funny. Anyone in the IT industry knows this site isn’t only funny but stupidly accurate.

The third site that is only hilarious, due to its presence, is the Twitter server-status site. Hosting a site whose sole purpose is to inform others about any issues with other servers, on a platform that goes down more than my ex-girlfriend (which for those of you who don’t know—and I imagine a lot of you know—is a lot), is like employing pyromaniacs to work at a petrol station. If you didn’t get that subtle reference, I basically mean that, besides being ultimately hilarious, it’s stupid.

It’s safe to say that I hate Tumblr, my ex-girlfriend, and (if you use Tumblr and like it), I probably hate you, too. If you disagree with this article, and find that I haven’t detailed enough reasons for my abrupt statement that you should also hate Tumblr, then you should simply hate it, because I damned well said so.

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75 Comments

  1. Jazz Penix
    Posted 08/12/2013 at 1:06 AM | Permalink

    I find it weird how you assume that people have had parts of their brain removed, are idiots or are 14 and should never be allowed on the Internet if they are not familiar with Tumblr, hipsters, or LiveJournal. I agree with Flower, this post would have been more respectable if only you hadn’t insulted the intelligence of your audience. It’s hard to get a point across when it’s being blockaded by vulgarity.

    • Sloppy Joe
      Posted 20/03/2015 at 4:20 PM | Permalink

      Typical Tumblr user, offended when someone breathes on them.

      • AH
        Posted 16/04/2015 at 11:32 PM | Permalink

        Assuming that Jazz is a Tumblr user at all. But Jazz is right; this article is condescending from beginning to end, just like you Sloppy Joe!

        • Anonymoooose
          Posted 22/04/2015 at 5:49 PM | Permalink

          C’mon guys, it’s a piece of iconoclasm! It’s mean’t to provoke a reaction. xD

  2. Unknown
    Posted 08/01/2014 at 8:20 AM | Permalink

    I don’t use Tumblr and don’t know what to say but what I do hate is its people. They uploaded people’s Original Characters without permission. Especially those so called sues accounts. They are cowards who do not dare to face the artists head on. I hate these kind of people. As terrible as trolls.

  3. 9gaginsanitywolfmeme
    Posted 10/03/2014 at 2:28 AM | Permalink

    Le ninegag army says take this down and never mention fortune again

    • 4chanarmy
      Posted 29/05/2014 at 3:58 PM | Permalink

      Kill yourself.

      • lul
        Posted 18/07/2014 at 10:34 PM | Permalink

        14 year old alert

  4. TheBigOne
    Posted 22/04/2014 at 10:54 PM | Permalink

    I started reading your’e article until you insulted people and that explains more about you then them. Nice try but you blew it with the insulting and asked people to throw eggs in you’re face.

    It’s amazing that these days those who are good often throw insults and screw themselves which allows those who are bad to continue on their merry way and further assume that anybody who speaks out against them is an *extremists* because of people like you.

    Thanks for making us look bad who don’t use social media much! Jerk!

  5. Posted 27/05/2014 at 8:08 PM | Permalink

    I so totally agree. I do have a tumblr account but I have been thinking of deleting it. Most People on tumblr, as I see it, are self-absorbed people who think of themselves as famous when all they do is reblog stuff and add quotations to pictures.

  6. f ggjbfkbg
    Posted 02/06/2014 at 8:17 AM | Permalink

    I really hate it. No kidding, it always crashes my iOS browser! If Dolphin, Safari, K9 or Kaspersky Sage Browser, it always crashes them. No matter which one I use!

  7. Halo ello
    Posted 02/06/2015 at 6:03 PM | Permalink

    This article is poorly written, you’re an idiot. I wish you a lifetime of diarrhea, and a loose butthole. You will wet yourself brown all around, everyday every night.

  8. Posted 06/08/2015 at 5:38 AM | Permalink

    You could definitely see your enthusiasm within the work
    you write. The world hopes for more passionate writers such as you who aren’t afraid to mention how they believe.
    All the time go after your heart.

  9. Me
    Posted 28/08/2015 at 3:33 AM | Permalink

    I just joined tumblr, and I find the worst part is that you can’t send simple messages, like you would on Facebook, and it seems that my friends don’t get the messages I do send. The fact that it’s also ridiculously slow and complicated doesn’t help its case either.
    By the way, I’m fourteen, and I’m not offended by the statement of the fact that younger people might not know about older, not well-known things such as LiveJournal. Thank you for your defense, older people, but it isn’t necessary.

    • ana lucia
      Posted 04/09/2015 at 1:58 AM | Permalink

      If you want to send messages use facebook or imessage or whatsapp i dont know. It is clear that tumblr wasnt created to chat. You can give your opinion in the comments. I just found tumblr so liberating

  10. Posted 18/10/2015 at 11:46 AM | Permalink

    Pick up information where you can and pick the tips that fit your needs.

    Try loading up the universal LAN party standard:
    Unreal Tournament 2004. You can play pool games with either computer or against
    a friend online.

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