For those of you who have been living under a rock for the past few years, or have had part of your brain removed, Tumblr is an ever-growing micro blogging site that apparently has a lot of features—but I’m damned if I can ever see them, as the site is almost always down.
Before reading on, it may be worth noting that I refer to Tumblr as a website/site, even though it implies that the system is accessible via the internet, which for the most part, is untrue.
The easiest way for me to explain Tumblr is that it is a LiveJournal for hipsters, and if there are two things we do not need, they’re another LiveJournal, and a place outside of StarBucks where hipsters can congregate. If you don’t know what a hipster is, you’re an idiot, and if you don’t know what LiveJournal is, you’re probably 14, and shouldn’t be allowed on the internet, ever!
Right, back to the point! The main reason I do not like Tumblr is its lack of reliability. Almost every time I attempt to view a site that is hosted on Tumblr, I am greeted with some sort of message detailing that the servers are receiving a high load, or there’s some issue, and to check back later.
Now, thanks to The Oatmeal, the error page has a nice little image on it, and explains that the Tumbeasts haven’t been fed. That being said, the image depicts some small green creatures resembling Pokemon, doing what I can only presume is copulating with the servers. This image actually annoys me more than the simple page we used to see, simply because I find myself planning a murderous pilgrimage to the Tumblr server farms, not for the ‘technicians’, but to push these Tumbeasts right over the brink of extinction. Any site that makes me want to destroy the population of some small furry animal isn’t a good one.
Let’s presume for a minute that these creatures aren’t real, and that the real incompetence lies between the server and the back of the chair—.ie., their technicians. A while back, on my personal site, I hypothesised that the naming of this particular website was down to the server technicians fondness to spend their entire days tumbling down hills like a bunch of mountain goats short a chromosome, and I’ve yet to see any evidence proving otherwise.
Once you get down to it, the real reason I hate Tumblr is that it has the potential to be great, but is somewhat poorly executed, and as a web developer myself specializing in large-scale applications, this makes me very angry. As much as I’d like to reach out and fix the issues I see, I cannot, and am forced to sit refreshing a page, hoping that, by some chance, the site will load.
If you’re curious, I did previously have a Tumblr account. It was removed once I came across an image of a roaring bear, surrounded and covered in snow, with the best caption ever—simply because, as far as I am concerned, there is nothing that Tumblr could provide that could ever top that image.
Tumblr has two great sites hosted on it, and one site that is only hilarious because of its presence.
The first of these is Insanity Wolf, which is a meme created by something like 4chan, some time ago. Now, while this images are in most cases offensive, and deal with obscene topics, they are absolutely hilarious, especially when you imagine an angry wolf saying them.
The second is Clients From Hell, which as many of you will know, is a site where individuals can post excerpts of discussions with clients that are ridiculously funny. Anyone in the IT industry knows this site isn’t only funny but stupidly accurate.
The third site that is only hilarious, due to its presence, is the Twitter server-status site. Hosting a site whose sole purpose is to inform others about any issues with other servers, on a platform that goes down more than my ex-girlfriend (which for those of you who don’t know—and I imagine a lot of you know—is a lot), is like employing pyromaniacs to work at a petrol station. If you didn’t get that subtle reference, I basically mean that, besides being ultimately hilarious, it’s stupid.
It’s safe to say that I hate Tumblr, my ex-girlfriend, and (if you use Tumblr and like it), I probably hate you, too. If you disagree with this article, and find that I haven’t detailed enough reasons for my abrupt statement that you should also hate Tumblr, then you should simply hate it, because I damned well said so.